Snow Mindfulness in Gotham: Patience, Patience, Patience

By Irene Javors, LMHC

I confess. I am a person of limited patience. I go after things with vigor. When I am confronted by obstacles, I grit my teeth and push through or so I think. This winter has been one for the record books. Snow, more snow and yet more snow. The blistering cold, the piles of snow, the ice and those infernal winds force us to submit to the will of "mother nature" whether we want to or not. Like all other New Yorkers this winter, I have been snowed-in and snowed-out by the weather. For someone as impatient as I am, this has been a test in learning how to go with the flow, especially when you don't want to.

I have cancelled clients, classes and social engagements. I have stayed indoors despite creeping cabin fever. In short, I have been forced by a power far greater than my ego-driven self to slow down and check out the scene.

And check it out I did! On the day of the most recent snow event, I decided to take a very long walk and see what I could see. Under several layers of clothing and wearing boots designed for the arctic tundra, I ventured forth into my Queens neighborhood. No cars were on the road. The snow covered streets were a pristine white. The trees were highlighted by small hanging icicles. But what was most spectacular was the quiet. No car horns or traffic, very few people, just the silence of snow crunching beneath my feet. I drudged onward for almost a mile. The more I walked, the calmer I became. This seemed rather paradoxical to me since a storm was raging all around me, yet I ( the eye) of the storm felt peaceful and centered.

I realized that I was experiencing something that I have been striving to feel during all my years of meditation on the pillow: the ability to be at peace in the center of chaos. This in vivo experience on this wintry Thursday afternoon had brought home to me the importance of paying attention to the teachings that are right there in everyday life.

The snow has helped me to slow down and hear the falling flakes. But I still don't like the cold!

Scared of Change?

Submitted by Irene Javors, LMHC

"The unknown takes us out of our comfort zone."

From What About The Big Stuff?, Richard Carlson, Ph.D. Hyperion, 2002, p.20.

Whatever change that either happens to us or we willingly undertake always has an element of fear. We love our habits of being. Even taking a shower at a different time of the day has the potential of upsetting our routinized life. Change wakes us up to living in the fullness of the moment. Staying mindful of how we enslave ourselves to old ways of being and doing is the challenge. Nothing stands still, no matter how we delude ourselves into thinking that we have the power to make it otherwise.

Validation? What a concept!

Submitted by Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Recently, I had an opportunity to watch this short, feel-good movie, Validation by Kurt Kuenne.  It made me consider just how different city life would be if we all treated each other like this.  The film is 17 minutes long, and it's worth it.

Commitment in Action

Submitted by Jennifer Egert, Ph.D.

"Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffective concerning all acts of initiative (and creation). There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and inspirations. That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves also. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can dream, you can - begin it. Boldness has genius, power, magic in it. Begin it now".

--Wolfgang Goethe

I have always loved this quote and revisited it recently in my continued efforts to build my mindfulness practice and get back on track with a regular morning sitting. In previous posts, I’ve written about the challenge of “falling off the mindfulness practice wagon” and trying to get back on. That has been a present struggle over the past couple of months, but it is starting to come together. Goethe knows what he is talking about (like I even needed to say that!). It seems like the indecision in and of itself is the major obstacle to practice. Once the decision is made, once one commits, all of the struggle and inner discussion drops away. The question is, how does one make the move to commit? How do we get to the point of decision?

These are questions relevant for a host of challenges, be it developing a sitting practice, starting an exercise program, eating healthfully, applying for a new job or school, (even cleaning the bathroom!) anything that one might try to avoid, takes effort or for which one has ambivalent feelings. But as Goethe councils, once we make the “decision to do” we can be presented with a host of supports and aids in our efforts.

So I am wondering UM readers, what is your experience with this? How do you move from indecision to decisions, from being uncommitted to committed? What magic has come to support you in your commitments? What help can we offer each other to transform Goethe’s words into action in our lives?

Gentrification Mindfulness: The Challenge of Unwanted Change

By Irene Javors, LMHC

There is is restaurant/ bar in my Jackson Heights neighborhood that has been around for some 60 years. Everyone knows the place. The food isn't very good but the drinks are great and the bartender knows everyone by first name. When you walk into the place, you feel that you have entered a time warp and you are now in the 1950's. The juke box plays Sinatra and Rosemary Clooney and noone has heard of Lady GaGa or The Black Eyed Peas. On the weekends, the two televisions are tuned onto whatever is the sport of the moment and everyone cheers or boo's the team of choice.

I have spent many days sipping a glass of wine and watching tennis or football with the guys, just hanging out and shooting the breeze.

All of this will vanish after the airing of the Super Bowl on Sunday February 7. The landlord has raised the rent to an astronomical level and there is no way that the owners can pay. After over half a century, The Cavalier is closing due to gentrification. Four other stores and businesses are also closing on that block because of rising rents. These "mom and pop" venues are to be replaced with more "with it," commercial ventures.

Long time residents are angry/sad and feeling helpless in the face of the changes that are taking place in their neighborhood. No one wants these businesses to go but a tsunami wave of change is happening without our consent. What makes all of this so difficult is that we don't know what's going to replace what is being taken away.

From a mindfulness perspective, the passing of The Cavalier is a lesson in impermanence. Nothing is forever and the sooner we learn this reality, the better equipped we are to rise to the challenges of living. This doesn't mean that unwanted change feels good. It means that we learn to be mindful of the preciousness of each moment of our lives. We learn to take nothing for granted. My feelings are in conflict with my mindfulness practice- I cling to what is passing while knowing full well that life is change.

When I was a child and very upset, my mother who knew nothing about Buddhism or mindfulness would say, "this too will pass," as a way to comfort me and direct my attention away from whatever it was that pained me. Indeed, in her intuitive wisdom, she simply stated a major truth, "everything passes."

So, I salute The Cavalier. You have had 60 years of wonderful patrons and lots of love and laughs. Not a bad legacy!