By Irene Javors, LMHC

I confess. I am a person of limited patience. I go after things with vigor. When I am confronted by obstacles, I grit my teeth and push through or so I think. This winter has been one for the record books. Snow, more snow and yet more snow. The blistering cold, the piles of snow, the ice and those infernal winds force us to submit to the will of “mother nature” whether we want to or not. Like all other New Yorkers this winter, I have been snowed-in and snowed-out by the weather. For someone as impatient as I am, this has been a test in learning how to go with the flow, especially when you don’t want to.

I have cancelled clients, classes and social engagements. I have stayed indoors despite creeping cabin fever. In short, I have been forced by a power far greater than my ego-driven self to slow down and check out the scene.

And check it out I did! On the day of the most recent snow event, I decided to take a very long walk and see what I could see. Under several layers of clothing and wearing boots designed for the arctic tundra, I ventured forth into my Queens neighborhood. No cars were on the road. The snow covered streets were a pristine white. The trees were highlighted by small hanging icicles. But what was most spectacular was the quiet. No car horns or traffic, very few people, just the silence of snow crunching beneath my feet. I drudged onward for almost a mile. The more I walked, the calmer I became. This seemed rather paradoxical to me since a storm was raging all around me, yet I ( the eye) of the storm felt peaceful and centered.

I realized that I was experiencing something that I have been striving to feel during all my years of meditation on the pillow: the ability to be at peace in the center of chaos. This in vivo experience on this wintry Thursday afternoon had brought home to me the importance of paying attention to the teachings that are right there in everyday life.

The snow has helped me to slow down and hear the falling flakes. But I still don’t like the cold!

Submitted by Irene Javors, LMHC

“The unknown takes us out of our comfort zone.”

From What About The Big Stuff?, Richard Carlson, Ph.D. Hyperion, 2002, p.20.

Whatever change that either happens to us or we willingly undertake always has an element of fear. We love our habits of being. Even taking a shower at a different time of the day has the potential of upsetting our routinized life. Change wakes us up to living in the fullness of the moment. Staying mindful of how we enslave ourselves to old ways of being and doing is the challenge. Nothing stands still, no matter how we delude ourselves into thinking that we have the power to make it otherwise.

Submitted by Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Recently, I had an opportunity to watch this short, feel-good movie, Validation by Kurt Kuenne.  It made me consider just how different city life would be if we all treated each other like this.  The film is 17 minutes long, and it’s worth it.

Submitted by Jennifer Egert, Ph.D.

“Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffective concerning all acts of initiative (and creation). There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and inspirations. That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves also. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can dream, you can – begin it. Boldness has genius, power, magic in it. Begin it now”.

–Wolfgang Goethe

I have always loved this quote and revisited it recently in my continued efforts to build my mindfulness practice and get back on track with a regular morning sitting. In previous posts, I’ve written about the challenge of “falling off the mindfulness practice wagon” and trying to get back on. That has been a present struggle over the past couple of months, but it is starting to come together. Goethe knows what he is talking about (like I even needed to say that!). It seems like the indecision in and of itself is the major obstacle to practice. Once the decision is made, once one commits, all of the struggle and inner discussion drops away. The question is, how does one make the move to commit? How do we get to the point of decision?

These are questions relevant for a host of challenges, be it developing a sitting practice, starting an exercise program, eating healthfully, applying for a new job or school, (even cleaning the bathroom!) anything that one might try to avoid, takes effort or for which one has ambivalent feelings. But as Goethe councils, once we make the “decision to do” we can be presented with a host of supports and aids in our efforts.

So I am wondering UM readers, what is your experience with this? How do you move from indecision to decisions, from being uncommitted to committed? What magic has come to support you in your commitments? What help can we offer each other to transform Goethe’s words into action in our lives?

By Irene Javors, LMHC

There is is restaurant/ bar in my Jackson Heights neighborhood that has been around for some 60 years. Everyone knows the place. The food isn’t very good but the drinks are great and the bartender knows everyone by first name. When you walk into the place, you feel that you have entered a time warp and you are now in the 1950’s. The juke box plays Sinatra and Rosemary Clooney and noone has heard of Lady GaGa or The Black Eyed Peas. On the weekends, the two televisions are tuned onto whatever is the sport of the moment and everyone cheers or boo’s the team of choice.

I have spent many days sipping a glass of wine and watching tennis or football with the guys, just hanging out and shooting the breeze.

All of this will vanish after the airing of the Super Bowl on Sunday February 7. The landlord has raised the rent to an astronomical level and there is no way that the owners can pay. After over half a century, The Cavalier is closing due to gentrification. Four other stores and businesses are also closing on that block because of rising rents. These “mom and pop” venues are to be replaced with more “with it,” commercial ventures.

Long time residents are angry/sad and feeling helpless in the face of the changes that are taking place in their neighborhood. No one wants these businesses to go but a tsunami wave of change is happening without our consent. What makes all of this so difficult is that we don’t know what’s going to replace what is being taken away.

From a mindfulness perspective, the passing of The Cavalier is a lesson in impermanence. Nothing is forever and the sooner we learn this reality, the better equipped we are to rise to the challenges of living. This doesn’t mean that unwanted change feels good. It means that we learn to be mindful of the preciousness of each moment of our lives. We learn to take nothing for granted. My feelings are in conflict with my mindfulness practice- I cling to what is passing while knowing full well that life is change.

When I was a child and very upset, my mother who knew nothing about Buddhism or mindfulness would say, “this too will pass,” as a way to comfort me and direct my attention away from whatever it was that pained me. Indeed, in her intuitive wisdom, she simply stated a major truth, “everything passes.”

So, I salute The Cavalier. You have had 60 years of wonderful patrons and lots of love and laughs. Not a bad legacy!

By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Rush hour, changing trains
Like salmon migrating home –
No spawning on stairs

Recently, the NYC subway system has gone from bad to worse. Trains are coming less often, and moving less quickly. With your mindfulness practice, perhaps you’ve noticed these changes, too?

As a result, crowds of passengers are getting more plentiful and overwhelming platforms and stairwells. During rush hour at Broadway-Nassau, people use every inch of the narrow staircase to descend from the Downtown 4/5 to the Brooklyn-bound A/C. When I saw one passenger trying valiantly to climb the stairs and change trains in the opposite direction, I was inspired to write this small poem.

Submitted by Jennifer Egert, Ph.D.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Quote by unknown author

How often do our thoughts create our reality? You can see it in so many ways, whether it be pre-conceived notions of a social situation, an influence from a comment from a friend or colleague, or a mood that strikes early and unfolds as the day goes on. As this quote suggests, simply watching our inner lives can have consequences for the cascade of life experiences that follow.

By Irene Javors, LMHC

On one of those bitterly cold Sunday afternoons that NYC has endured over the last month, I decide to get a cup of something hot at the nearest coffee shop. I manage to find a window seat and set myself down to a serious half hour of people watching. People are rushing about, all trying to outrun the frigid temperatures. There are all sorts of get ups worn by these intrepid New York walkers, Parkas, long goats, layers and layers of sweaters and scarves, every variety of boot and shoe imaginable, gloves, mittens, and a few brave hat-less souls.

As I look out upon the “great parade.” a relatively young man asks if he could take the empty seat at my table ( at 61 anyone under 40 appears virtually teenage to me). I nod a “yes.” He proceeds to take out his cholesterol doused donut and a giant coffee. I envy his lack of dietary concerns. Both of us sit watching the passing throngs, enveloped in the warmth of the shop. A woman appears on the street loaded down with 2 shopping bags, a box, and a paper bag whose handle suddenly gives way. The contents of this container drops onto the sidewalk. Frantic, she tries to get the stuff back into the original bag and then put that into one of the other shopping bags. Nothing works. Finally, my tablemate said, “she needs some help.” He throws on his coat and goes out to help her. He starts fumbling with all the bags and again one of the handles breaks. Miraculously, a woman comes running up with two large plastic bags and helps them re-package the whole mess! In the blink of an eye, this good Samaritan vanishes. The woman with the bags leaves and the guy comes back to my table. He winks and says, “all in a day’s work.”

I left the shop feeling warmed not only by the heat of the store but more importantly by the acts of helpfulness and generosity that I was a witness to. When I am feeling a bit down and I forget that there is more to the city than pushy people, rude comments, and just “too much” of everything, I coax myself to be mindful of the lady with the bags and all the people who set about helping her.

By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

My introduction to mindfulness came from reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau when I was in high school. His musings on leading a simple life in the present moment really resonated with me. Recently, I was re-reading Thoreau’s classic book, and I came across a passage that reminded me of how we have become addicted to our cell phones, PDA’s, Blackberries, and iPhones. Whether walking down the street, riding the elevator, or sitting in a waiting room, we’re often seen face-down, immersed in checking our messages. While communicating with others is desirable, it often distracts us unnecessarily from being present. Who hasn’t had the experience of “having nothing to do”, then starting to fiddle with the phone as opposed to simply breathing or noticing what’s happening in the moment? What’s so uncomfortable about spending a few moments just “being”? Anyway, here’s the quote (sorry if it’s a little judgmental):

“In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post office. You may depend on it, that the poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters, proud of his extensive correspondence, has not heard form himself this long while.”

Henry David Thoreau, Walden (p. 366), New York: Bantam Books

Replace “post office” with “inbox” and “letters” with “e-mail”, and you have apt observation on current urban society!

So, next time, when you feel the urge to check your messages or e-mail–even though you checked a few moments ago–just take a breath and ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?”

By Jennifer Egert, Ph.D.

In a group, I was recently leading a “Three Minute Breathing Space,” from Segal, Williams and Zindel’s book on Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression. The core of the three-minute breathing space is to check in with oneself, to see what is happening in the moment with one’s thoughts, feelings and body sensation. One of my patients, in discussing his experience with the exercise, called it a “full-system’s check”—a way, in a brief moment (3 minutes) to take stock of his state . I like this idea, a “systems check” for life.

So here were are city folks.  How are you doing? I’m just checking in here with you. It is 2010 and the beginning of the year can be a marker, a good time for a systems check. I don’t know about you but with December, in addition to the holidays, snow, busy-ness and the many distractions of the city also came, I confess, the dissolution of my meditation practice. I wanted to sit. I thought about it every morning as I turned over in bed, warm under the covers, for a few more minutes of rest before the workday began. I thought about it as I got ready for work and off and on through the day. I thought about it at night before going to bed. I thought about it a lot, but didn’t do much about these thoughts.

At a quiet moment, I sometimes took an impromptu 10 minutes to drop in. But it wasn’t the same as my regular morning practice. No real intention.

Intention implies purpose, a plan, an aim, a reason behind action. My fall from the mindfulness wagon got me taking stock of my intention for practice. Why do I practice? What am I moving towards? How do I have intent without the striving that can come with plans and goals and interfere with really being present?

Good questions for a new year.

So, this is where I am at the beginning of this new year. Checking in with myself, my intentions, my mindfulness practice. I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions. I find that when I do, I forget what they were before the year’s end, so why bother. But starting the year without a morning practice was is not my intention.

So this year, I made a New Year’s Resolution, an intention, to restart my regular practice and I am working at it. I guess that is what resolutions are really about, like the Three Minute Breathing Space. It is about taking a look at your life (body, mind and emotions), in this moment and asking if where you are at is your intention. If not, then you try to do something about it. It doesn’t have to be grand. It doesn’t have to be big. It can be a little step in something much larger. It doesn’t have to matter to anyone but you.

My wish for us all in 2010, is to have more moments of intention.

For further reading see:

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression: A New Approach to Preventing Relapse by Zindel V. Segal PhD, J. Mark G. Williams, John D. Teasdale  (2001)

Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness- By Jon Kabat-Zinn