The New New Year's Resolution

By Jenny Taitz, Psy.D.

Are you crawling into 2012 with a new juice fast or gym membership?

Often, around New Years, people will themselves to start yet another restrictive diet or rigorous fitness trend. The concept of starting anew feels meaningful and hopeful. I cheer loud and smile big when my patients’ feel excited about new potential methods of achieving the goals they choose.

When we set goals, we also need to accept both others and ourselves. Tara Parker-Pope recently wrote an illuminating article in the New York Times on the struggle people face in trying to lose weight (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?_r=1). The research she describes explains compassionately weight loss is not just about willpower. Your body may resist weight loss despite your most valiant efforts. Ms. Parker-Pope courageously recounts her own battle against her biological predisposition and shares data on the ubiquity of weight loss resistance.

Just to be clear, I am not recommending you return your not-yet worn Lululemon outfit and spend the money on Michelin dining! You will improve your health by improving your habits. The matter to resolve is how you go about the process of moving toward your ambitions.

Do you judge yourself a failure if you don’t reach a certain weight or accomplish a particular objective? People often feel tempted to define success in all-or-nothing terms and similarly judge others according to certain assumptions. For instance, you may assume someone who struggles with obesity lacks willpower or someone who is thin is happy.

For a moment, consider, if you do engage in judgments, are they useful in helping you achieve your goals or connecting with others?

In the service of increasing peace with yourself, in addition to any goals you may set, you might consider committing to pursuing your resolutions with mindfulness.

3 ways to befriend rather than battle yourself in 2012:

1. Notice judgments. Do you wish the process were easy and dwell on how unfair it feels? Wishing things were easier actually makes life harder. If you find yourself engaging in judgmental thinking, noticing this process is the first step towards stopping.

2. Focus on this moment. Instead of harping on what you did wrong yesterday or what you’re hoping for tomorrow, attend to what may be possible now. Reviewing in full detail what you ate yesterday won’t remove calories or curb your appetite.

3. Appreciate now. There is more to notice than your battle. We can pay a lot of attention to the things that upset us or we can shift our perspective toward the reality we may feel grateful for.

Adopting a mindful stance towards our bodies may feel foreign and difficult. It also may feel like a weight has been instantly lifted--- I don’t know any other diet program that can promise that!

Honk If You Love Mindfulness!: 10 Tips for Mindful Commuting

By Jonathan S. Kaplan, Ph.D.

For the past couple months, I’ve been busily promoting my new book in interviews with radio stations, TV programs, and reporters across the country. One of the most frequently asked questions has been: How do people practice mindfulness when commuting? Indeed, this can be an incredibly frustrating and stressful experience for us. Though I’ve shared insights with various media sources (see this article on MSNBC, for example: De-stress Your Commute), I thought that I would compile some suggestions and offer them here. So, without further ado, here are the Top Ten Tips for Mindful Commuting (sorry in advance for the cross-posting).

10.  Let go of trying to get anywhere fast. Traffic jams are characterized by the two very stressful psychological factors:  (a) they are out of our control (i.e., we can't make the other cars disappear) and (b) they are unpredictable (i.e., we don't know when traffic will start moving smoothly again).  So, rather than getting mired in worry about being late or cursing the other drivers, accept that you're going to spend some time in the car.  You can't change the traffic, but you can change your attitude!

9.  Plan to use your commuting time constructively. You know that you'll generally spend a certain amount of time commuting, so why not use it purposefully?  Instead of distracting yourself with nonsense, decide ahead of time what you'll do during that time.  Maybe you'll download and listen to some podcasts on mindfulness, create a mix tape, or listen to a college lecture.  If you're riding public transportation, you can find some nice "subway only" reading or watch a movie on your phone.

8.  If you're on public transportation, meditate on the physical feelings in your body. If you're standing on the bus, for example, you might notice how the muscles in your legs tense and release to help you maintain your balance.  This is helpful because it provides an anchor for our thinking, which can be prone to ruminate on stressful or anxiety-related topics when it wanders.  You might want to check out my YouTube video for a demonstration: Subway Meditation.

7.  Mindfully notice whatever comes your way. Notice the colors of the cars around you, the faces of the people, and your thoughts and emotional reactions as they arise.  Cultivate this ability to simple observe and pay attention your thoughts, emotions, and sensory experiences untainted by any judgments or criticisms.  Notice what's going through your mind about the situation and how you respond emotionally and physically as you keep thinking about it. You might use this strategy if the traffic has completely stopped for a while.

6.  Engage the people around you in pleasant and nice ways (yes, even if they're trying to get in front of your car).  If you're driving, you might make space for other drivers to come in front of you.  If you're on public transportation, you might offer your seat to someone else.  This is helpful for a couple reasons.  First, we stop taking things so personally.  The hectic commute affects all of us, not just you.  By recognizing that we're all experiencing something bad together, it can bring us closer to dealing with it constructively.  It's the difference between thinking to yourself:  "You're in my way!" vs. "This really sucks for us, doesn't it?"  Second, it feels nicer for us to be nice, regardless of how other people act.  If we're really honest, it doesn't feel good to be angry or annoyed all the time, does it?  We might feel justified in having that reaction, but ultimately it is undermining our own physical and emotional health.

5.  Focus your attention on some aspect of your environment. If you’re driving, you might try to find police cars, which involves being on the lookout for cars on the side of the road, vehicles around you (potentially unmarked), and flashing lights. If you’re using public transportation, you can spend a few minutes trying to notice whatever has the color purple. This exercise is not meant to make you paranoid, but rather prompt a playful re-engagement with your surroundings.

4.  Breathe before you honk! Often when driving, we use the horn in anger as opposed to a simple “Toot! Look! I’m over here!” message. So, when you find yourself about to lean on the horn to let someone else have it, take a few moments to breathe deeply and notice the stress and anger that you’re holding in your body. Rationally, you know that blowing the horn is not going to make you feel any better, and it can actually create a more significant conflict with one of your fellow drivers. So, instead of venting or stifling it, observe how it manifests in your body. This can be incredibly difficult to do, but keep trying.

3.  Just drive (or ride). When I was a teenager, I would drive simply for the sake of driving, feeling the burst of speed when pressing the accelarator, anticipating movement of the traffic, leaning into turns, etc.  Sometimes, our efforts to distract ourselves while driving or riding can be problematic. Not surprisingly, research has shown that talking on the phone or texting while driving do increase the risk of accidents. At such times, we can passively listen to something (like the radio or even college lectures), but the act of generating a response takes too much of our attention away from driving.  So, why not just drive?  If you’re riding public transit, you can meditate a little bit (see #8 above).

2.  Convert a normally stressful experience into a reminder to de-stress. In his delightful book Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh describes using red lights as cue to notice our breathing. This can make the process of stopping and waiting more pleasurable, or at least an opportunity for practicing mindfulness. We can apply the same approach to times when we see brake lights or just waiting. Even noticing how the stress, frustration, and annoyance manifest in our body, mind, and heart can be an incredibly helpful--if not necessarily relaxing--experience.

1.  Finally, if you’re looking for more tips like these, check out my book, Urban Mindfulness: Cultivating Peace, Presence, and Purpose in the Middle of It All. It has many practical suggestions and exercises for mindfulness when you’re on the go. And, it’s the perfect size for reading on the train. Just don’t read it when you’re driving though: mindful car crashing is not something you want to experience!

Starting Over...Again

By Emily Polak, Ph.D.

Starting over can be welcome or aversive. Whether we like it or not, with the New Year comes an opportunity for beginning anew. And while we do not have to wait until January 1st to make changes, New Year’s is a natural time to reflect about one’s life and decide to make different choices.

So with New Year’s quickly approaching, let’s take the opportunity to take stock of the past year. How do you feel when you think back on the year? What comes to mind? Perhaps it has been rough financially or your job is not as satisfying as you’d like. Or perhaps it has been a year of accomplishment and blessings. Likely, you have experienced significant amounts of both joy and sadness. I know I have.

Often in life, we think we have moved beyond something only to find it reappear as an obstacle yet again. This happened to me recently in my career. It can be challenging to maintain a positive attitude when things have not gone the way you hoped. It is much easier to look back and focus on regret, frustration, and disappointment. Mindfulness teaches us not to deny such feelings when they arise, but also not to dwell or cling. Rather we allow each emotion to emerge and then fall away. If we are able recognize the transience of all experiences, negative emotions become much less threatening. We know they will soon pass and something else will arise.

So as this year comes to an end and as the next begins, perhaps we can resolve to embrace transience, to make friends with impermanence. We can make an effort to be present in each moment, recognizing that whatever it brings will soon be gone. In doing so, we can try to remember that every end is a beginning. In this never ending cycle of beginnings and ends, what will you do with this opportunity to begin anew?

The Art of Non-Doing

By Melissa Kirk, Guest Blogger from the West Coast

In yoga class last week, the instructor talked a lot about “non-doing.” She encouraged us to do the poses, exerting only as much effort as was needed, and no more. Did you know sometimes we try to hold poses with our face? It’s true! If you do yoga, pay attention to how you tighten your jaw and mouth, and even the muscles around your eyes, when in a difficult pose. If you don’t do yoga, pay attention to your facial muscles anyway and notice when you tense them. We don’t normally notice these little tensions, but they’re there. In class, I practiced doing the poses but relaxing all the muscles I didn’t actually need in the poses. I started with my facial muscles, then muscles in the limbs that didn’t need to be in exertion right then. Then the neck, the forehead, the back, even the fingers. When I did this,  the poses seemed more effortless, I was calmer and my breathing was slower, and I almost felt like parts of my body were floating, while other parts were rooted to the floor.

The next day, I was driving to work when I noticed that my left leg and foot, the ones that don’t need to do anything while driving, were tense.  I was hunched over in the seat and the area in between my shoulder blades was tense trying to hold me up, and I was even tense in my lips.  Taking the yoga lesson to heart, I untensed all these muscles that didn’t need to be tensed in that moment. I relaxed my left leg and foot. I relaxed my lips and jaw, even my forehead. I sat up straighter and let my spine fall into its natural shape. As I drove, I kept effort in my right leg and foot, my hands on the wheel, and my eyes and neck as I looked around me to see what other drivers were doing. But the rest of me was relaxed and calm; ready to spring into action, but content to sit on the sidelines for the moment. I felt a sensation like the parts that were doing the action were flowing in a river of energy; their effort was, in a way, effortless.

The concept of “non-doing” is an important one, especially for us city-dwellers. We tend to be “doing” most of the time, and then when we’re “not doing”, we’re sacked out in front of the TV.  But what if we practiced noticing the effort we’re making that we don’t need to be, even in the moments when we’re “doing”? I’m talking about more than just noticing ourselves multitasking, though. I’m talking about noticing physical, mental, and energetic effort. The next time you’re on the phone at work, can you notice what the rest of your body is doing, the parts that aren’t holding the phone or actively talking? You might find that you’re tapping your fingers, kicking your leg, playing with a piece of paper, or seated in a twisted position so that your body needs to put in extra effort to keep you upright. Part of you might be scanning e-mail, and your mind might be thinking about another project.  You might feel vaguely anxious or worried. Meanwhile, part of you is talking on the phone, and, I imagine, sounding pretty coherent.

Try this: just notice, in your daily life, what parts of you are making necessary effort, and what parts are making unnecessary effort. Then see if you can relax the parts that don’ t need to be engaged in that moment. If you’re talking to a friend, can you notice the parts of you that are thinking of that fight you had with your partner, and about how you forgot to buy cat food? The foot you’re tapping on the floor, and the way you’re playing with your fingers? And then can you gently, compassionately, let those go and come back to being with your friend?

At work, as you’re doing one task, can you recognize the part of you that’s mad at your coworker who was rude to you last week, or worried about the upcoming performance reviews (or even happy that you got that raise or that your supervisor is pleased with your report)? And can you gently let that go and be where you are with whatever project you’re working on?

The thing I find so intriguing about this exercise is that it reminds us to pay attention to our whole experience, which gets us living in the moment, and makes us curious about ourselves, how we react – physically and mentally - in situations. It encourages us to be mindful of not only our mental processes, but also of our bodies.

When we’re only exerting as much effort as is needed and not holding tension in the rest of us, it gives us a chance to relax and be calm and steady even when life is swirling around us. In my yoga class, and driving, when I let go of the tension that was unnecessary, I felt in flow, relaxed yet alert, and gently but firmly in control. There was no part of me that was fighting the situation. Give it a try sometime!

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Melissa is a writer, editor, and blogger who blogs at http://honeybtemple2.blogspot.com/. She is an acquisitions editor at New Harbinger Publications, and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

To Move Mindfully, Get Out of the Way

By Emily Polak, Ph.D.

I recently attended a 5 Rhythms class, a movement meditation practice in which one moves the body though dance in order to still the mind and connect to the spiritual.  A friend recently discovered this practice and found it transformative, so I thought I’d give it a shot.  After all, I enjoy dancing and am all for practices that quiet the constant chatter in my head.

I entered the room and was immediately impressed by the apparent lack of self-consciousness exhibited by the 25 or so people moving around the dance studio on a Sunday morning in the West Village.  As someone who has always been inclined toward both self-awareness and self-consciousness, letting go of my inhibitions is a real challenge for me.

At first, I danced tentatively, mostly watching the men and women of all shapes and sizes moving in way that seemed, well, liberated. Living in a city where it is common for people look and behave in every way imaginable, one might think you’d get used to all the diversity and stop noticing it.  Yet the people in motion in this room exuded a buoyant, carefree energy, an unusual occurrence in a city filled with too many stressors to count.

As the class went on, there were times when I was able to embrace the music and movement.  But my ability to stay in that place was fleeting.  I felt acutely aware of my desire to maintain the experience of flow with the music, to attain that joyful, lighthearted mindset of my dance counterparts.  It was the desire to achieve that state that prevented me from allowing it to happen.

Can you think of any instances in your life where you get in your own way?  If so, how might mindfulness help you to stop undermining yourself and your goals?