Mindfulness in Times Square? On New Year's Eve?

By Susan Vitti, Ph.D.

I have lived in New York all my life. Whether in the city itself, or an outlying suburb, I’ve felt deeply woven into the fabric of the city. I’ve lived here, worked here, fallen in love here, shopped here and generally been a part of the groove, hubbub, bustle and clamor. I am in fact, in love with this city. I go to the Brooklyn side of the bridge just to see the whole of it sparkling on the river at night. I ride the NY Water Way Taxi in summer just to see the skyline from the harbor. So, I understand why anyone would be drawn to it but what I’ve never understood is the desire to huddle up in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. No way, no how am I ever going to do it. So, in putting together some thoughts for this post the question entered my mind again. Why would anyone do it?! I’ve come up with innumerable reasons, none of which really satisfied as evidenced by the fact that I’m still asking.

In thinking about this again, though, I realized I’ve been asking the wrong question all along. I’ve missed the essence of what is really going on. What is significant is not where people gather but why. Why do we choose to gather together to mark the ending of one year and the beginning of a new one? What draws us to each other during this point in time? Maybe it’s the inescapable feeling of being on the precipice of both an ending and a beginning. It’s a time that seems to inevitably connect us to the polarities of existence; both the joys and the sorrows. Whether we gather in Times Square, a friend’s apartment, a restaurant or some quiet corner with our television tuned in, we gather together and in doing so we share this reality.

The holiday season, culminating in New Year’s Eve can be a time of celebrations and gatherings with friends and family. It’s a time we can easily ride the crest of the holiday wave and let ourselves be swept along to this final point in the year. We eagerly gallop towards one more celebration, one more party, one more event before the final page of the old year is turned and new one is begun. The emotional tenor this time of year, this week in particular and this day, the final day, is often one of revelry and mirth.

Alternately, the New Year is also a time-marker. Robert Frost referred to time as ‘the luminary clock against the sky” in his poem, Acquainted with the Night. The holiday season, the turning of the year and the passage of time, so concretely marked, can also bring with it awareness and realization of loss, times gone by, loved ones that have passed or difficult moments endured during the previous year. Life has a way of involving us in both aspects; the joys and the sorrows, the losses and the gains, the highs and the lows. Whether we acknowledge it or not, whether we can accept it or not, we all come to encounter all aspects of being human. If we can manage to stay mindful and in the moment, we may be lucky enough to see that in this regard, we are all connected to each other. In this regard, “we are all more human than otherwise” (American psychiatrist, Harry Stack Sullivan) .

It is, perhaps, in this realization, whether articulated or just beneath our awareness, that we feel the need to be with each other. It is at this pivotal moment in time, the turning of the year, as we watch our city’s luminary clock against the sky, that ball of lights dropping in Times Square, that we have some sense of our connectedness, our oneness with ourselves, each other and with the infinite. Perhaps we find it somehow comforting to gather together in this acknowledgement.

(Photo provided by UB1/Bill Larkin)

And Again

And Again

By Jenny Taitz, Ph.D.

Each year furnishes an opportunity to begin again and so does each moment!

I recently returned from a fantastic meditation retreat in Maui. After living in paradise and spending days practicing yoga and learning from the leading meditation teachers in the world, I felt tremendous equanimity.

And then, I missed the shuttle to the airport by 10 seconds, almost missing my flight as I stood waiting for a pricey taxi. Once I landed, I was famished, nauseous, tired, and lacking any semblance of serenity. My ride home from the airport got stuck in holiday traffic and picked me up an hour late. As I stood in heavy rain waiting for my kind and tardy ride, I felt like I may be good candidate for a television show like Candid Camera or Punked. You thought you were mindful and look at you now! When it rains, it pours.

Sharon Salzberg, a surprisingly practical meditation teacher (previously interviewed by Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D. on this blog) explains one of the main elements in practicing mindfulness is beginning again. It is inevitable that our mind will wander away from the practice of present focused attention or we will face a challenging situation that affects our equilibrium. In the city we are often faced with distractions or difficult encounters with others. What do we do when we move off our urban mindful path?

Over the years, I have sat with several clients who have relapsed to substance use after years of strict sobriety. Some have described a sense of losing the time they spent abstaining from drugs when they slip into a moment of drug use. I prefer to understand slips as wrong turns. If you are driving and you’ve covered 200 miles, it is challenging to return to the main road after a wrong turn, but you don’t lose the 200 miles you’ve covered. One of the best predictors of successful smoking cessation is number of previous failed attempts. In other words, trying to quit repeatedly means you are more likely to succeed. The thought “I can’t quit, I’ve tried six times,” is entirely unsubstantiated. In fact, the person trying to quit smoking six times is scientifically more likely to succeed in smoking cessation than Mary, who is on her first attempt. When we see each moment as a time to begin again, moments are exciting choices. One of the most important moments is when you notice you’ve been gone --that is the moment to practice self acceptance and kindness to begin again.

To be honest, I practiced beginning again several times in my return travels. When the airport shuttle left, I noticed my mind thinking “how awful and irresponsible.” I returned to the moment and considered what a difficult job it is to shuttle people to the airport and returned to my breath and problem solving. While I waited at the airport, I tried to focus on my breath and appreciate the kindness of a loved one providing me a lift from the airport. I really got stuck when I began to think, “I studied meditation and loving kindness and now I’m grumpy, I might be incorrigible!” That was the moment to begin again rather than get caught in the story in my mind.

We will all repeatedly have moments over the holidays and New Year wherein we stray from our intention and inner wisdom. Are these moments that strengthen our practice and resolve to begin again or do we get stuck? It may be helpful to:

1. Notice when you are not in the present moment or living with intention

2. Bring compassionate awareness to where you are and where you’d like to go

3. Begin again- again and again

Starting Over...Again

By Emily Polak, Ph.D.

Starting over can be welcome or aversive. Whether we like it or not, with the New Year comes an opportunity for beginning anew. And while we do not have to wait until January 1st to make changes, New Year’s is a natural time to reflect about one’s life and decide to make different choices.

So with New Year’s quickly approaching, let’s take the opportunity to take stock of the past year. How do you feel when you think back on the year? What comes to mind? Perhaps it has been rough financially or your job is not as satisfying as you’d like. Or perhaps it has been a year of accomplishment and blessings. Likely, you have experienced significant amounts of both joy and sadness. I know I have.

Often in life, we think we have moved beyond something only to find it reappear as an obstacle yet again. This happened to me recently in my career. It can be challenging to maintain a positive attitude when things have not gone the way you hoped. It is much easier to look back and focus on regret, frustration, and disappointment. Mindfulness teaches us not to deny such feelings when they arise, but also not to dwell or cling. Rather we allow each emotion to emerge and then fall away. If we are able recognize the transience of all experiences, negative emotions become much less threatening. We know they will soon pass and something else will arise.

So as this year comes to an end and as the next begins, perhaps we can resolve to embrace transience, to make friends with impermanence. We can make an effort to be present in each moment, recognizing that whatever it brings will soon be gone. In doing so, we can try to remember that every end is a beginning. In this never ending cycle of beginnings and ends, what will you do with this opportunity to begin anew?