Mindfulness Quote

Submitted by Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Last week, I went to one of Sharon Salzberg's talks here in NYC.  I always enjoy learning from her, and I was particularly struck by a phrase that she used when discussing mindfulness:

"It's not about what happens, but rather our relationship to it."

So, in other words, it's not about the fact that the bus crowded, but rather how we relate to that reality (i.e., what judgments and critical statements might rattle around in our heads).  Similarly, it's not about the fact that it's raining right now, but rather how we feel about the rain in that moment.  Through the practice of mindfulness, we cultivate the ability to notice our reactions and judgments, which creates some emotional space.  We find a way to feel better by giving-up on wanting it to be otherwise.  It prompts us to accept an unchangeable reality or take some appropriate action.  So, if it's crowded, I can decide to focus on listening to my music or meditate or observe something special about each person around me.  If it's raining, I can decide to wait until it stops or take an umbrella or consider the rain in a different way.  All of these other possibilities can be realized in the present moment, once we have the presence of mind to do so.

Mindfulness in Stressful Times: Car Bombs in Gotham

By Irene Javors, LMHC

New Yorkers have had a very scary and stressful week. On a prematurely summer-like, Saturday night in May, Faisal Shahzad deposited a car bomb in the middle of Times Square. The cliched "Crossroads of the World" became the unwanted arena of another spectacle of attempted urban terrorism. Fortunately, no one was hurt or killed, but an entire city held its collective breath while waiting to see just how serious a threat this smoking car was to the safety of New Yorkers.

How do we learn to live in a city that is a prime target for such attacks? How do we apply mindfulness practices to help us cope with terrorism? Ever since the attack on the World Trade Center, I have been asking myself these questions. My experience tells me that mindfulness is a concept that is closely related to resiliency skills building. Resiliency involves cultivating flexibility, multiple perspectives, humor, and the discipline of staying in the present. All of these skills are crucial to mindful living.

When I heard about the car bomb in Times Square, my immediate response was panic. But I remembered to keep breathing and stay focused on this very second. I listened to the news and asked myself, "What would be the most effective action to take right now?" I figured out that the best thing for me to do was to wait and see and trust that those with a great deal more knowledge and information would do what needed to be done.

After 9/11, I worked as a counselor at Ground Zero. On this past Sunday, I decided that if there was a need for the services of counselors I would volunteer. Most importantly, focusing on what I could do to help served to calm me and empower me with the knowledge that I could "do something."

Mindful resilience enables you to see yourself not as a victim, but as someone who has agency--even if this agency is solely about staying with your breathing in the moment. Feeling a vicitim is what is most disabling and feeds anxiety and fearfulness.

In the face of such danger, New Yorkers came together and pulled through. Gotham is a place of great resiliency and fortitude. Let us stay mindful and grateful for our good fortune this time.

Omega in NYC

By Jennifer Egert, Ph.D.
Recently, I spent the weekend at OMEGA in NYC, hearing Jack Kornfeld, Tara Brach and Mark Epstein discuss Eastern and Western psychology. Several times over the weekend, Jack and Tara brought up the idea that we are all lost in stories about ourselves, our history, and others. These stories serve to separate us from one another and cover up an “unlived life” beneath the chatter. This quote was shared and sums it up:

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” –Mark Twain

Thought for the week: What stories do I tell myself about my life or who I am? Can I begin to loosen my grip around some of these stories that cover up an unlived life?

There's Still Some Good in this World

By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Feeling tired, I was headed home after a long day at work.  On the subway platform, I waited and watched as all kinds of trains passed by--all except the one that I needed.  Even the garbage train honked noisily through the station.  My train was nowhere in sight. 

After enduring a seemingly unending period of time (like doing zazen with an itchy nose), my train finally rumbled to a stop in front of me.  Many others had been waiting with me, so we all crammed ourselves into the crowded car.  Collectively, we seemed tired, defeated, and worn out.  Just as the doors were about to close, a woman jumped into the doorway.  "Someone dropped their keys!" she pronounced.  Several of us looked up to notice a jumble of keys in her outstretched hand.  No one responded.  "Someone dropped their keys!" she stated again.  More people started to look at her, while some started checking their pockets. 

"Stand clear of the closing doors, please" chimed the automated announcement. 

We continued to look at her.  "What's she going to do?" I wondered. The doors closed shut, and she shoved them open.  "I have your keys!" she yelled.  "Check to make sure you have your keys!"

"Don't hold the doors!  Step out of the doorway!" boomed the conductor. 

Suddenly, a young girl ran towards the door and gratefully grabbed them.  "Thank you!" she gushed.  The other woman pulled her arm out of the doorway as the doors snapped shut.  The train began to move. 

As I reflected on what happened and smiled at the obviously embarrassed girl, I noticed an old man leaning towards a young woman next to him.  "Just when you start to give up hope," he said, "you notice that there's still some good in the world."  Indeed.

Sharon Salzberg: Compassion in the City

By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Recently, I had the distinct privilege of sitting down with Sharon Salzberg, one of the pioneers in introducing Buddhist practices to the West.  Based on her experiences of teaching mindfulness and compassion (i.e., loving-kindness) around the world, I invited her to comment on introducing these practices to many of our common urban experiences.  Personally, it was delightful and enlightening to meet with her, and I am very grateful for her insights and support.  Over the past 10 years, I have often relied on her teachings for my own spiritual and personal growth. 

For more information on Sharon--including her talks in Brooklyn and Manhattan this week!--please check out the details at the end of the interview. 

Congestion and Aggravation

Jon:  Thanks so much for meeting with me today.  In the city, we encounter many unique difficulties and challenges to mindfulness practice.  Given your expertise and teachings on loving-kindness, I wonder about your reflections of being in some of these situations.  For example, it’s easy to get annoyed and frustrated by the congestion we experience, like when we’re riding a crowded subway train.  In such circumstances, how can we practice compassion?

Sharon:  Well, part of it is having compassion for ourselves and realizing that we're living like a sponge:  we're just absorbing all of the difficulty and annoyance and irritants.  Eventually, it will fill us and take over our consciousness.   Alternatively, we can experience it genuinely, but with a lot more spaciousness by not taking these things to heart.  Practicing compassion for oneself is being able to be fluid in these situations.  You can feel the annoyance like a storm moving through you and just let it go.  Motivated by curiosity and a sense of our own well-being, we also can decide that we’re going to experiment with a new way of engaging people.  Today, I was riding an elevator and someone had a rambunctious dog.  At every floor, the elevator stopped and more people got on, until it was very crowded.  As more people came into the elevator, I could conduct an experiment.  I could ask, “Am I going to relate to these people in a friendly manner or am I going to glare at them with an ‘It's crowded enough in here!’ stare?”  We tell ourselves that we’re going to smile at the people in the elevator, ask the cab driver where he's from, whatever it might be.  It changes the day. 

Noisy Neighbors

Jon:  Sometimes, we can get to the point of personalizing our anger or annoyance, like with a noisy neighbor or intractable people on the co-op board.  How do you suggest that we approach these situations, in which we’ve personified our inability to have our desires met?

Sharon:  In Tibetan Buddhism, they say that anger is the thing that we pick-up when we feel weak because we think it's going to make us feel strong.  So, another aspect of this situation classically, is to investigate whether or not it really makes us feel strong.  If so, how long does that last?  We use mindfulness to look at the annoyance or anger and see whether or not this will really help me get what I want.  Perhaps, there are more skillful ways of communicating in order to get our needs met.  Some people think that if you're practicing mindfulness, then you're passive and don't object to the noisy neighbor or unjust treatment.  But it does not mean that either.  But hopefully, you come from a different place when you take action.

“That’s mine!” mentality

Jon:  In the city, there can be a lot of emphasis on competition and possessiveness.  We lay claim to things like taxis and parking spaces, which don’t really belong to us.  How can we get better in touch with living together peacefully?

Sharon:  Often, it’s just a question of beginning with mindfulness of how things actually feel.  How does it feel to have a competitive mindset, even when you’re not in competition with anybody?  Sometimes, I get off the elevator and look down the lane of apartment doors in my building, and think, “Oh my God, I hope that no one smokes in bed anymore.”  Wouldn’t it be tragic if someone fell asleep and I burned to death?  How horrible is that?  I could walk in here, oblivious to everyone else on the floor.  It doesn’t have to be a fearful thought, but a recognition that we’re counting on each other.  We’re interdependent.  I’m not going to have a very good year if you fall asleep smoking.  It’s not sentimental—it’s just how things are. 

 END OF PART ONE—MORE COMING SOON!

Brief Biography 

Sharon Salzberg is cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts. She has been a student of Buddhism since 1971, guiding meditation retreats worldwide since 1974.  Sharon's latest book is The Kindness Handbook, published by Sounds True. She is also the author of The Force of Kindness, published by Sounds True; Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience, published by Riverhead Books; and Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, published by Shambhala Publications. For more information about Sharon, please visit: http://www.SharonSalzberg.com.

Upcoming Workshops in New York City

Wednesday, May 5, 2010, 8 pm - 10 pm
Meditation Workshop: Tools for Awakening Courage, Faith, and Compassion

Jaya Yoga Center, 1626 8th Avenue, Brooklyn, NY

Call 718-788-8788
www.jayayogacenter.com/workshops    

 

Saturday, May 8, 2010, 1 pm - 4 pm
TRANSFORMATIVE JOY: Finding Joy on the Path

Yoga Works, Union Square, 138 Fifth Avenue (4th floor) New York, NY

Call 212-647-9642
http://www.yogaworks.com/our_programs/find_a_workshop.aspx