Sounding Off

By Emily Polak, Ph.D.

Last weekend I attended a lecture on Inner Revolution from a Buddhist perspective. The speakers discussed that mindfulness is about how we relate to our experiences, and that our experiences are distinct from the stories we tell ourselves about them.

The day included several periods of short meditation. At one point before we began a meditation, the teacher instructed us to turn on our cell phones. At first I thought it was a joke. We have all had the experience of being asked to turn off our cell phones. But who ever heard of being asked to turn on your mobile device. It turned out we would be doing a meditation on sound.

As we sat, I anticipated the beeping or buzzing. But for some time it was quiet, save for the noises coming from outside the window. And then a jazz melody began to play. Though we had been given permission to let our phones ring—asked to, even—my immediate reaction that someone should make it stop.

The sound of a phone ringing is intimately connected in my mind to the notion of interruption. To make the sound my focus rather than a distraction required a change of my mental framework. I tried to just hear the sound.

As it continued to play, I found myself enjoying it. I thought, maybe I should get a jazzy ringtone. And when the sound stopped, I missed it. But only for a moment. Soon enough I was on to the next sound, the next thought, the next thought about the thought.

Only a few phones actually went off during the 15 minutes or so that we sat. But I was struck by the strength of my tendency to be annoyed at the sound of a phone ringing in a public place.

Next time you find yourself disturbed by someone’s phone ringing, see if you can notice the story you are telling yourself about it. See if you can isolate the event from the story and use it as opportunity to move beyond your habitual reactions. Perhaps you can find some compassion for the person who failed to turn off their ringer (we’ve all been there, right?) Or perhaps you could even get in touch with gratitude for the person whose phone unexpectedly jolted you back into the present moment.

Thanks for the Noise, Neighbor!

By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

In my soon-to-be-released book, I address the application of mindfulness to many of our common experiences in the city.  One of the more common and vexing problems is the noisy neighbor.  Maybe it's the woman downstairs who practices the guitar.  Or, it could be the couple upstairs who lets their toddlers do somersaults off the couch.  Or, maybe the man in the adjacent apartment has really loud sex.  Whatever the particulars, we can easily find that our efforts to relax or get some sleep are rudely interrupted.  While it's natural to get angry and frustrated, we can also use these disruptions as opportunities for mindfulness practice.

• Notice how quickly your mind tries to explain what you’re hearing. You might hear a low scraping sound, and assume that the neighbor is moving the sofa. Appreciate this quality of mind, which tries to label whatever we experience.

• Take a moment to appreciate the noise within the context of all that you can hear around you. Closing your eyes, become aware of the different sources of sound and their physical location. See if you can allow all of these sounds to arise within your awareness. Like listening to an orchestra or band, allow yourself to experience all of the music together, rather than fixating on a particular sound.

• Notice what judgments arise about your neighbor(s) in response to what you hear. Upon hearing loud music, you might think that the neighbor is being disrespectful and inconsiderate, which prompts you to feel angry. When hearing a loud argument, you might feel sad for your neighbor’s difficulties. Notice how your emotions react to the particular thoughts that you’re having, not necessarily the noise itself.

• Acknowledging that your assumptions about your neighbor and what is causing the noise might be inaccurate, approach them openly and with curiosity about what’s happening to cause the noise. Explain what you’re hearing and the impact that it is having in your home. You might even invite them inside your place to experience it themselves. While not mindfulness per se, this approach allows you to apply some of its underlying principles--respect, compassion, and acceptance--and try to embody the resultant emotional equanimity.

• If you’re unable to reach a compromise or mutually beneficial arrangement with your neighbor, then consider your options of how to respond constructively and objectively. Know that a bitter, vindictive, or vengeful response, likely will hurt you as well. Even if you’re able to get back at your neighbor “once and for all”, the time spent nursing that resentment and anger undermined YOUR heath, not theirs.