Speak Your Mind or Mind Your Speak?: 3 Steps Towards Mindful Speech

By Jenny Taitz, Ph.D.

The ability to speak makes us human and inhuman.  You said it, it just came out so fast, and now you are kicking yourself (or being kicked by someone else!)

As I write a note in a greeting card, I begin to think about how the deliberate attention required in writing a card differs from quick, whatever comes to mind, spontaneous speech that surges through our mouths.  I am not suggesting that we ponder intensely before talking.  However, as social beings in big cities, we run into people, share social networks, and have countless opportunities and venues, including the internet, to say whatever comes to mind.  Have you found yourself spreading gossip?  In a bad mood and saying something you don’t mean?  Sharing more than you ordinarily would to fill the quiet?  It can be difficult to listen to yourself in the midst of a fast paced conversation.  It may be useful to spend a moment bringing to mind a recent conversation faux pas.  It may be a time where you may have said more than you intended or spoken about someone in your life in a manner that does reflect your values.  Rather than beating yourself up, let’s try to learn from our oversights.   What were some of the aspects that got you stuck?  Did strong emotions play a role? Did you have sufficient time to think?

1. Be mindful of your intention.  What are your values?  One’s values are subjective.  Some people may prioritize honesty while others may prioritize loving kindness.  When your significant other is late, is it meaningful to be entirely truthful about your feelings or assume the person is doing the best he or she can?  Of course there is no single truth.  I notice at times my desire to be entertaining may conflict with my aspiration of not speaking disparagingly about others.  Unfortunately, the route I generally take may not be the same direction I’d take if I really considered which goal is more meaningful to me.


2. Pick a reasonable time frame.  We speak endlessly. Setting a reasonable time frame, 9 am-10 am, for instance, will likely lead to more opportunity for success than deciding from now on, no more angry speech!  Is there a time frame you’d like to be nonjudgmentally aware of your present speech? A certain event you that you want to fill with attention such as a conversation with a family member?


3. Mindfully attend.  Once you set your intention and time, similar to other mindfulness practices, the mind (and mouth) can be expected to wander.  We often make certain interesting decisions.  Eating one cookie means your diet is over for the night? Not if you want to develop a sense of mastery! So too one slip of the tongue may be a juncture where your recommit, rather than abandon ship.