Tuesday
Dec012009
City Drivers Interbeing
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 10:31AM
By Jennifer Egert, Ph.D.
I was recently given a great gift: a hand-me-down car. I haven’t owned a car in over 10 years, not since coming back home to the city from graduate school. Driving in the city is always a trip. It is kind of like a video game, all the unexpected objects darting out from different corners, other cars around you driving close, speeding up to cross over 3 lanes to make that right turn that you don’t want to miss. I had always thought about driving in the city as offensive rather than defensive, “every man/woman for him or herself!” But driving recently, I realized that it is much more collaborative than I thought, much more interdependent, drivers “inter-being.”
“Interbeing” refers to an inherent interdependence of all things. It refers to the web of life and how all of our actions can have consequences for the greater world and world community. What does this have to do with driving? Well, as I was making my way through Times Square, it was pretty hectic. Trucks double parked, making deliveries, taxis darting in an out of cars going too slow, tourists not sure how to navigate the crosswalks, cyclists weaving through the cars. But it worked. No car crashes. No one hurt crossing the street or riding a bike. The drivers just knew the dance, how to negotiate the rugged terrain of the pot-holes, how to avert disaster with the perfect swerve. It struck me that city life is a lot like that. Millions of people somehow making it through, day to day, riding the trains, waiting on lines, avoiding traffic, not bumping into each other despite the 50 people sharing the sidewalk with you. This awareness sure made me appreciate my fellow New Yorkers more and perhaps even gave me a little more patience for the very, very slow driving guy from Georgia. Just a little…
There is an “interbeing” of city life, an ecosystem that we all contribute to. How much do we see that? How much do we pay attention? I am not usually aware of this connection in the flow of city life, but a car helped me to be more mindful of just that this week. What would it be like if we all carried the awareness of interbeing in our city life?
I was recently given a great gift: a hand-me-down car. I haven’t owned a car in over 10 years, not since coming back home to the city from graduate school. Driving in the city is always a trip. It is kind of like a video game, all the unexpected objects darting out from different corners, other cars around you driving close, speeding up to cross over 3 lanes to make that right turn that you don’t want to miss. I had always thought about driving in the city as offensive rather than defensive, “every man/woman for him or herself!” But driving recently, I realized that it is much more collaborative than I thought, much more interdependent, drivers “inter-being.”
“Interbeing” refers to an inherent interdependence of all things. It refers to the web of life and how all of our actions can have consequences for the greater world and world community. What does this have to do with driving? Well, as I was making my way through Times Square, it was pretty hectic. Trucks double parked, making deliveries, taxis darting in an out of cars going too slow, tourists not sure how to navigate the crosswalks, cyclists weaving through the cars. But it worked. No car crashes. No one hurt crossing the street or riding a bike. The drivers just knew the dance, how to negotiate the rugged terrain of the pot-holes, how to avert disaster with the perfect swerve. It struck me that city life is a lot like that. Millions of people somehow making it through, day to day, riding the trains, waiting on lines, avoiding traffic, not bumping into each other despite the 50 people sharing the sidewalk with you. This awareness sure made me appreciate my fellow New Yorkers more and perhaps even gave me a little more patience for the very, very slow driving guy from Georgia. Just a little…
There is an “interbeing” of city life, an ecosystem that we all contribute to. How much do we see that? How much do we pay attention? I am not usually aware of this connection in the flow of city life, but a car helped me to be more mindful of just that this week. What would it be like if we all carried the awareness of interbeing in our city life?
Reader Comments (4)
Nice post. I grew up with a steering wheel 'neath my fingers, being from Detroit. When I moved to NYC, though, not having to drive was one of my favorite things about the city. Ten years later, I am learning to drive all over again since my wife is pregnant with twins. The interbeing does amaze me sometimes, though I toggle between being pleasantly impressed by it to being disturbed b/c sometimes it seems like we've just found a way to be an efficient system of zombies... The best moments are when someone lets you into their lane. Tiny restorations of faith in humanity...
Thanks for your comments Saladin. I know what you mean. SOmetimes the rhythm and the flow can feel like automatism. But I guess if we are conscious, if we really see it, then is it zombi-ism? Hmm. Good question.
Thanks Jennifer and Saladin!
We just got a car. The old one got to the point where the garage guy said he thought he could get someone to haul it away for free, that's how little it was worth. Now we have a shiny new hybrid. It's so new we're still calling it a name (Blue.)
We also just joined Costco, so we could get discounts on things we need for my wife's Mom. That was one of our first trips in Blue. Nice easy drive getting there. No cars, pedestrians, or bikers to dodge. What a sweet trip. Then there was the parking lot. Maybe room for 500 cars. Maybe 30 or more circling the aisles looking for a spot. We make 31.
Now up to that time I'm feeling wonderful. Connected. One with all life, the sun shining on my face. Calm, peaceful, even equanimous. Certainlyl interconnected.... the wonder of it all!
But they wouldn't let me just drive the aisles, looking for my parking space. No, people cut in front of me, people just stopped, blocking me. At the corners people went before it was their turn. Being a peaceful sort, I let them have their way.... no skin off my back.
But after awhile I began to feel like this is ridiculous, I deserve MY spot, why should THEY get all the spots ahead of me. I began using my head, plotting the best place to wait for a spot to open up. If someone was behind me.... not my problem! Then I saw an opening, and Blue leapt forward, ahead of another car, headed for a parking space. Rats, someone else got there first.
At this point I'm feeling a little foolish. Why am I letting all these bums get ahead of me. Am I the chump after all? Maybe I'm encouraging their bad behavior by not DOING something about it. (And it did feel good to get ahead of that guy back there.)
All I could see was cars getting ahead of me. All I could feel was the thrill of getting ahead, the fear of being the fool, the anger at them and myself.
Ahhhhhhhhhh, sweet forgetfulness, sweet upset............. just another bell of mindfulness in the form of the real world.
I am mindful until I forget. I teach mindfulness with the humility of knowing my own thoughts, feelings and body sensations have a will of their own. I'd like always to be in control, but this is life in the city. I guess in an ideal world I'd remain like a Boddhisatva throughout, always calm, compassionate. But I live in this always-intruding city. Filled with pesky cars/bells of mindfulness. Hmmm.... is this good or bad? OK, I'd like to be the Boddhisatva, but also I treasure being really alive, being awake to my life. I can feel anger, but I don't have to yell at anyone. Because I can feel anger I am open to all my feelings, including joy, and the rest. So nice to wake up in the city.
Thanks for your comments Donald. So true! After having my car for a few weeks, I am seeing that it is now bringing out the irritable in me! I have much less patience now then when the experience was new-- I guess I lost my beginners mind. Such a challenge to constantly remind oneself to come back to that place, yet I am seeing a lot about what annoys me about other people's behavior and perhaps, some day, down the road (no pun intended), will learn a little something from the experience about letting go.