Last week, I went to one of Sharon Salzberg’s talks here in NYC.  I always enjoy learning from her, and I was particularly struck by a phrase that she used when discussing mindfulness:

“It’s not about what happens, but rather our relationship to it.”

So, in other words, it’s not about the fact that the bus crowded, but rather how we relate to that reality (i.e., what judgments and critical statements might rattle around in our heads).  Similarly, it’s not about the fact that it’s raining right now, but rather how we feel about the rain in that moment.  Through the practice of mindfulness, we cultivate the ability to notice our reactions and judgments, which creates some emotional space.  We find a way to feel better by giving-up on wanting it to be otherwise.  It prompts us to accept an unchangeable reality or take some appropriate action.  So, if it’s crowded, I can decide to focus on listening to my music or meditate or observe something special about each person around me.  If it’s raining, I can decide to wait until it stops or take an umbrella or consider the rain in a different way.  All of these other possibilities can be realized in the present moment, once we have the presence of mind to do so.

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” –Mark Twain

Thought for the week: What stories do I tell myself about my life or who I am? Can I begin to loosen my grip around some of these stories that cover up an unlived life?

The Roman statesman and stoic philosopher once wrote, “true happiness is … to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.”

Staying in the ‘now’ is easier said than done. We are either looking backward or rushing forward. To stay present is to let go of control, to let life unfold. This makes us very frightened and we get a terrible case of the “what if’s” and “woulda, coulda, shoulda’s.” Staying in the moment and just breathing? What a relief from all those creeping anxieties!

“The unknown takes us out of our comfort zone.”

From What About The Big Stuff?, Richard Carlson, Ph.D. Hyperion, 2002, p.20.

Whatever change that either happens to us or we willingly undertake always has an element of fear. We love our habits of being. Even taking a shower at a different time of the day has the potential of upsetting our routinized life. Change wakes us up to living in the fullness of the moment. Staying mindful of how we enslave ourselves to old ways of being and doing is the challenge. Nothing stands still, no matter how we delude ourselves into thinking that we have the power to make it otherwise.

“Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffective concerning all acts of initiative (and creation). There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and inspirations. That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves also. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can dream, you can – begin it. Boldness has genius, power, magic in it. Begin it now”.

–Wolfgang Goethe

I have always loved this quote and revisited it recently in my continued efforts to build my mindfulness practice and get back on track with a regular morning sitting. In previous posts, I’ve written about the challenge of “falling off the mindfulness practice wagon” and trying to get back on. That has been a present struggle over the past couple of months, but it is starting to come together. Goethe knows what he is talking about (like I even needed to say that!). It seems like the indecision in and of itself is the major obstacle to practice. Once the decision is made, once one commits, all of the struggle and inner discussion drops away. The question is, how does one make the move to commit? How do we get to the point of decision?

These are questions relevant for a host of challenges, be it developing a sitting practice, starting an exercise program, eating healthfully, applying for a new job or school, (even cleaning the bathroom!) anything that one might try to avoid, takes effort or for which one has ambivalent feelings. But as Goethe councils, once we make the “decision to do” we can be presented with a host of supports and aids in our efforts.

So I am wondering UM readers, what is your experience with this? How do you move from indecision to decisions, from being uncommitted to committed? What magic has come to support you in your commitments? What help can we offer each other to transform Goethe’s words into action in our lives?

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Quote by unknown author

How often do our thoughts create our reality? You can see it in so many ways, whether it be pre-conceived notions of a social situation, an influence from a comment from a friend or colleague, or a mood that strikes early and unfolds as the day goes on. As this quote suggests, simply watching our inner lives can have consequences for the cascade of life experiences that follow.

My introduction to mindfulness came from reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau when I was in high school. His musings on leading a simple life in the present moment really resonated with me. Recently, I was re-reading Thoreau’s classic book, and I came across a passage that reminded me of how we have become addicted to our cell phones, PDA’s, Blackberries, and iPhones. Whether walking down the street, riding the elevator, or sitting in a waiting room, we’re often seen face-down, immersed in checking our messages. While communicating with others is desirable, it often distracts us unnecessarily from being present. Who hasn’t had the experience of “having nothing to do”, then starting to fiddle with the phone as opposed to simply breathing or noticing what’s happening in the moment? What’s so uncomfortable about spending a few moments just “being”? Anyway, here’s the quote (sorry if it’s a little judgmental):

“In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post office. You may depend on it, that the poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters, proud of his extensive correspondence, has not heard form himself this long while.”

Henry David Thoreau, Walden (p. 366), New York: Bantam Books

Replace “post office” with “inbox” and “letters” with “e-mail”, and you have apt observation on current urban society!

So, next time, when you feel the urge to check your messages or e-mail–even though you checked a few moments ago–just take a breath and ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?”

“The key to our deepest happiness lies in changing our vision of where to find it.”

Sharon Salzberg and Jon Kabat-Zinn. (2008). Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness. Shambhala Press.
All of us are prisoners of our fantasies and delusions of where happiness awaits us.  We cling to what doesn’t work and blind ourselves to the infinity of possibilites.  We are guests at the buffet of life, the challenge is to remain mindful.

“There are many ways to discuss ego, but in essence… … it is the experience of never being present. There is a deep seated tendency, it’s almost a compulsion, to distract ourselves, even when we’re not feeling uncomfortable. Everybody feels a little bit of an itch all the time. There’s a background hum of edginess, boredom, restlessness.”

From Taking The Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears by Pema Chodron, Shambhala Press. 2009, p.17.

How well I know these feelings! I am in the middle of something and then my monkey mind takes me somewhere else, making shopping lists or going over all the things I haven’t done or I just zone out.  Remembering that where you are is exactly where you need to be – such an easy thought, so difficult to live.