This coming Monday, I’ll be giving a talk on Buddhism and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) at the Interdependence Project in NYC.  Both ACT and Buddhism heavily incorporate mindfulness, and I promise that it will be an interesting (and helpful) presentation.  If you’re familiar with it, the ID Project is also a wonderful community of people interested in practicing meditation and other secular aspects of Buddhism.  For more details, please click this link:  The Interdependence Project.  Hope to see you there!

If anyone is going to the Book Expo America (BEA) at the Javitz Center in NYC tomorrow, please come by and introduce yourself to me. I’ll be signing galleys of my forthcoming book, Urban Mindfulness: Cultivating Peace, Presence, and Purpose in the Middle of It All, from 11 – noon at Table 9 in the Autographing Area. Hope to see you there!

Later this week, I am going to a press meeting with the Dalai Lama who is visiting NYC. Most likely, I’ll ask him to elaborate on the distinction between urban and rural challenges to mindfulness and compassion, which he discussed at a conference last year. However, I thought that I would see if any UM readers had compelling questions to pose. So, if you could ask the Dalai Lama one question, what would it be?

Recently, I had the distinct privilege of sitting down with Sharon Salzberg, one of the pioneers in introducing Buddhist practices to the West.  Based on her experiences of teaching mindfulness and compassion (i.e., loving-kindness) around the world, I invited her to comment on introducing these practices to many of our common urban experiences.  Personally, it was delightful and enlightening to meet with her, and I am very grateful for her insights and support.  Over the past 10 years, I have often relied on her teachings for my own spiritual and personal growth. 

For more information on Sharon–including her talks in Brooklyn and Manhattan this week!–please check out the details at the end of the interview. 

Congestion and Aggravation

Jon:  Thanks so much for meeting with me today.  In the city, we encounter many unique difficulties and challenges to mindfulness practice.  Given your expertise and teachings on loving-kindness, I wonder about your reflections of being in some of these situations.  For example, it’s easy to get annoyed and frustrated by the congestion we experience, like when we’re riding a crowded subway train.  In such circumstances, how can we practice compassion?

Sharon:  Well, part of it is having compassion for ourselves and realizing that we’re living like a sponge:  we’re just absorbing all of the difficulty and annoyance and irritants.  Eventually, it will fill us and take over our consciousness.   Alternatively, we can experience it genuinely, but with a lot more spaciousness by not taking these things to heart.  Practicing compassion for oneself is being able to be fluid in these situations.  You can feel the annoyance like a storm moving through you and just let it go.  Motivated by curiosity and a sense of our own well-being, we also can decide that we’re going to experiment with a new way of engaging people.  Today, I was riding an elevator and someone had a rambunctious dog.  At every floor, the elevator stopped and more people got on, until it was very crowded.  As more people came into the elevator, I could conduct an experiment.  I could ask, “Am I going to relate to these people in a friendly manner or am I going to glare at them with an ‘It’s crowded enough in here!’ stare?”  We tell ourselves that we’re going to smile at the people in the elevator, ask the cab driver where he’s from, whatever it might be.  It changes the day. 

Noisy Neighbors

Jon:  Sometimes, we can get to the point of personalizing our anger or annoyance, like with a noisy neighbor or intractable people on the co-op board.  How do you suggest that we approach these situations, in which we’ve personified our inability to have our desires met?

Sharon:  In Tibetan Buddhism, they say that anger is the thing that we pick-up when we feel weak because we think it’s going to make us feel strong.  So, another aspect of this situation classically, is to investigate whether or not it really makes us feel strong.  If so, how long does that last?  We use mindfulness to look at the annoyance or anger and see whether or not this will really help me get what I want.  Perhaps, there are more skillful ways of communicating in order to get our needs met.  Some people think that if you’re practicing mindfulness, then you’re passive and don’t object to the noisy neighbor or unjust treatment.  But it does not mean that either.  But hopefully, you come from a different place when you take action.

“That’s mine!” mentality

Jon:  In the city, there can be a lot of emphasis on competition and possessiveness.  We lay claim to things like taxis and parking spaces, which don’t really belong to us.  How can we get better in touch with living together peacefully?

Sharon:  Often, it’s just a question of beginning with mindfulness of how things actually feel.  How does it feel to have a competitive mindset, even when you’re not in competition with anybody?  Sometimes, I get off the elevator and look down the lane of apartment doors in my building, and think, “Oh my God, I hope that no one smokes in bed anymore.”  Wouldn’t it be tragic if someone fell asleep and I burned to death?  How horrible is that?  I could walk in here, oblivious to everyone else on the floor.  It doesn’t have to be a fearful thought, but a recognition that we’re counting on each other.  We’re interdependent.  I’m not going to have a very good year if you fall asleep smoking.  It’s not sentimental—it’s just how things are. 

 END OF PART ONE—MORE COMING SOON!

Brief Biography 

Sharon Salzberg is cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts. She has been a student of Buddhism since 1971, guiding meditation retreats worldwide since 1974.  Sharon’s latest book is The Kindness Handbook, published by Sounds True. She is also the author of The Force of Kindness, published by Sounds True; Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience, published by Riverhead Books; and Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, published by Shambhala Publications. For more information about Sharon, please visit: http://www.SharonSalzberg.com.

Upcoming Workshops in New York City

Wednesday, May 5, 2010, 8 pm – 10 pm
Meditation Workshop: Tools for Awakening Courage, Faith, and Compassion

Jaya Yoga Center, 1626 8th Avenue, Brooklyn, NY

Call 718-788-8788
www.jayayogacenter.com/workshops    

Saturday, May 8, 2010, 1 pm – 4 pm
TRANSFORMATIVE JOY: Finding Joy on the Path

Yoga Works, Union Square, 138 Fifth Avenue (4th floor) New York, NY

Call 212-647-9642
http://www.yogaworks.com/our_programs/find_a_workshop.aspx

The Roman statesman and stoic philosopher once wrote, “true happiness is … to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.”

Staying in the ‘now’ is easier said than done. We are either looking backward or rushing forward. To stay present is to let go of control, to let life unfold. This makes us very frightened and we get a terrible case of the “what if’s” and “woulda, coulda, shoulda’s.” Staying in the moment and just breathing? What a relief from all those creeping anxieties!

As of yesterday, the UM blog is now available on the Kindle! For those of you who enjoy the contributions of our bloggers, you can now read their posts on your Kindle, whether you’re at home or “out and about” in the city. The monthly subscription ($1.99) costs less than a latte, and the tips and reflections offered on our site will help you a lot more than a temporary caffeine buzz. Plus, it’s a way to help support our organization.

Please click here to explore downloading our blog for your Amazon e-reader:  UM on Kindle

If you’re not sure about ordering, you can try it free for 2 weeks, too.  Thanks for your continued reading and support.

By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

The past few days have been quite rainy and blustery here in NYC.  Not wanting to get rain in my eyes, I found myself leaning forward and looking at the ground, while dodging pedestrians and their umbrellas.  As I watched what passed underfoot, I became more aware of what I could see down there.

Cracks in the pavement, and lots of black and white spots–remnants of chewing gum trampled by the masses–and, more interestingly, puddles.  Lots and lots of puddles.  Like any busy urbanite, most of my effort was focused on dodging them and making sure that I didn’t get splashed.  My behavior stands in stark contrast to what my young son does:  stop abruptly in front of each puddle and dramatically jump over it.  He grins enthusiastically whenever he clears a puddle.  And, if he doesn’t make it, his smile is even bigger, perhaps correlated with the giganitic splash he just made. 

Anyway, as I found myself looking at puddles, I started noticing the reflections in them.  Dark skyscrapers, white clouds, yellow taxi cabs, and red stoplights shimmered across the surface.  Interesting shadows darkened the waters, while streaks of light could be momentarily blinding.  It reminded me of impressionist art, especially the urban works of Gustave Caillebotte (such as Paris:  Rainy Day). 

So, as you’re walking around the city today (and on future rainy days), why not take a peek and see what beautiful paintings lie underfoot?  And, if the mood strikes you, jump over them!

In a group, I was recently leading a “Three Minute Breathing Space,” from Segal, Williams and Zindel’s book on Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression. The core of the three-minute breathing space is to check in with oneself, to see what is happening in the moment with one’s thoughts, feelings and body sensation. One of my patients, in discussing his experience with the exercise, called it a “full-system’s check”—a way, in a brief moment (3 minutes) to take stock of his state . I like this idea, a “systems check” for life.

So here were are city folks.  How are you doing? I’m just checking in here with you. It is 2010 and the beginning of the year can be a marker, a good time for a systems check. I don’t know about you but with December, in addition to the holidays, snow, busy-ness and the many distractions of the city also came, I confess, the dissolution of my meditation practice. I wanted to sit. I thought about it every morning as I turned over in bed, warm under the covers, for a few more minutes of rest before the workday began. I thought about it as I got ready for work and off and on through the day. I thought about it at night before going to bed. I thought about it a lot, but didn’t do much about these thoughts.

At a quiet moment, I sometimes took an impromptu 10 minutes to drop in. But it wasn’t the same as my regular morning practice. No real intention.

Intention implies purpose, a plan, an aim, a reason behind action. My fall from the mindfulness wagon got me taking stock of my intention for practice. Why do I practice? What am I moving towards? How do I have intent without the striving that can come with plans and goals and interfere with really being present?

Good questions for a new year.

So, this is where I am at the beginning of this new year. Checking in with myself, my intentions, my mindfulness practice. I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions. I find that when I do, I forget what they were before the year’s end, so why bother. But starting the year without a morning practice was is not my intention.

So this year, I made a New Year’s Resolution, an intention, to restart my regular practice and I am working at it. I guess that is what resolutions are really about, like the Three Minute Breathing Space. It is about taking a look at your life (body, mind and emotions), in this moment and asking if where you are at is your intention. If not, then you try to do something about it. It doesn’t have to be grand. It doesn’t have to be big. It can be a little step in something much larger. It doesn’t have to matter to anyone but you.

My wish for us all in 2010, is to have more moments of intention.

For further reading see:

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression: A New Approach to Preventing Relapse by Zindel V. Segal PhD, J. Mark G. Williams, John D. Teasdale  (2001)

Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness- By Jon Kabat-Zinn

PsychologyToday.com is featuring one of my recent posts on its main page today. Titled, “How to be Happy When the Weather Won’t Cooperate,” it provides 6 tips on applying mindfulness to our feelings about the weather.

You can view the main page here:

Psychology Today

Or check out the post directly here:

Seasonal Mindfulness: 6 Tips for Experiencing the Changing Weather

Also, don’t forget to check my Urban Mindfulness blog regularly at Psychology Today. You can view posts at the home page here:

Urban Mindfulness at Psychology Today

2009 is drawing to a close. Only a few more days left to realize those New Year’s Resolutions. Oh, don’t you remember? Those aspirations from earlier this year that you wanted to achieve? Well, fear not, regardless of whether or not you realized them (or can even remember what you wanted to do), we all have another opportunity to make or break, fulfill or forget, or propose or postpone a whole slew of resolutions for 2010.

Generally speaking, these aspirational changes are quite helpful and healthy. They guide us to make substantive, meaningful change in our lives. We might decide to get in shape in order to feel better and (hopefully) be able to live longer to spend more time with our family. We might decide to get a new job in order to feel more satisfied at work. Whatever the desired change and motivation, New Year’s resolutions provide an opportunity to recognize important personal values and articulate related goals for fulfillment.

So, what does mindfulness have to offer? Is an objective awareness of the present moment with its focus on acceptance applicable to the establishment and pursuit of life-changing actions? Put simply, “no.” Mindfulness with its emphasis on experiencing the present as it exists is not too keen on changing it. Unless one of your resolutions is to practice mindfulness or acceptance more regularly in 2010, then the emphasis on being present in the now won’t help you realize your goals. Think about it: is mindfulness going to get you to go to the gym or line-up a series of job interviews? Of course not. However, some of the essential qualities of mindfulness can be helpful for you.

In his seminal book, Full Catastrophe Living, Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn outlined what he described as the “attitudinal foundations of mindfulness.”

Non-judging
Patience
Beginner’s Mind
Trust
Non-striving
Acceptance
Letting Go

In addition, I would add “Non-identification” as another aspect of mindfulness. Taken together and applied sensitively to your resolutions, these qualities will help you approach your desired changes in ways that are sensitive, respectful, and supportive of change.

Non-judging
This perspective involves suspending our tendency to evaluate experiences. However, if you’ve made a resolution for 2010, then it’s too late: you’ve already made a judgment in deciding on something to change. Fortunately, we can adopt a non-judging approach to our resolutions subsequently. We can stop second-guessing our resolutions as good, bad, or “not enough,” for example.

Patience
This one is probably obvious. Change typically doesn’t happen overnight, and we need to be patient as we try to bring about something new in our lives. Intellectually, we understand this fact, but it’s harder to appreciate through actual experience.

Beginner’s Mind
This principle refers to the ability to experience the present moment as if it were existing for the very first time, which—of course—it is. You haven’t been in this precise time and space until now. For the New Year, it means that these resolutions of ours are brand new. Even if they’re something that we’ve made in the past, we’ve never had the opportunity to make them in 2010. Thus, we need to approach these resolutions with an attitude of freshness and curiosity. Whatever happened previously is over. All we have is our resolutions manifest in the here-and-now.

Trust
Trust refers to the ability to have faith in our intuitive wisdom as well as the present moment. For our resolutions, it means cultivating the ability to recognize that we’ll know how to best approach them. Even if we don’t know how to accomplish something, we can be confident in knowing when we don’t know, and perhaps seeking some advice or guidance.

Non-striving
This one might seem a bit antithetical to having New Year’s resolutions. Aren’t they all about striving for something? Sure. However, we can embody our desire for change through gentle persistence as opposed to brute force. There’s no need to push hard for realization of our resolutions when a simple nudge or light pressure will suffice.

Acceptance
Just as the present moment needs to be accepted as it exists, so does our relationship to whatever change we’re trying to make. We are here, regardless of where we want to be. Telling ourselves that we need or should be someplace else (physically, emotionally, occupationally, etc.) provides little motivation. More often than not, we feel miserable and discouraged as we work towards change. For example, if you’ve lost one pound, you’ve lost one pound. This is true regardless of the fact that you want to lose 20 pounds or that it’s Week #8 of your new diet and exercise regimen.

Letting Go
We need to abandon our desire for things to be different than how they are? Obviously, this is not relevant to resolutions in which we’re actively trying to be different. However, sometimes we hold on to fantasies about our past or future, which make it more difficult to engage the present. For example, reminiscing about how athletic you were in high school is not likely to help you much in getting in shape now. So, we often need to let go of these remembrances and desires in order to better address what’s happening for us now.

Non-identification
Mindfulness encourages us to recognize the present moment without becoming too wrapped-up in it personally. Similarly, our self-worth is not dependent on whether or not we succeed or fail in realizing our New Year’s Resolutions. If you abandon or forget your resolution, it’s okay. You are not a better or worse person. And, if it truly troubles you, you can always try again in the next moment or even wait until next year.

Finally, it’s important to recognize that your realization of your New Year’s resolutions likely will not happen in an instant. It’s not as if you suddenly will lose 20 pounds or instantly land a job. Rather, it will take a series of successive moments as you work towards the change that you seek. Hmm…successive present moments? What can we do with those?